Tuesday, July 22, 2008

F For Fear...

A few days back I got to listen to and then broach upon some thoughts on F.e.a.r. It happened that we gave the task of anonymously scribbling on a chit "What do you Fear most in Life?..." to a bunch of teenagers, and then mix all the chits--only to be picked up by someone (chosen to do so) randomly. So this conduct allowed the kids to disclose their fears without being mousey about it, since the namelessness is maintained as no-one would get to know who's fear was what, hence killing the shyness.
And soon with each anonymous chit being picked up and read out loud, the mood of the entire group harmonized into a collective affection--as one fear after another were divulged...like unfurling petals of a shy flower. Along came some concealed smiles, some unstoppable blushes, some worried faces. Everyone opened up! That's hard to do not just with kids but any person I tell you!  

And as a reaction to the anonymous fears, amazingly all the kids poured in their suggestions themselves for their peers--to overcome that particular fear of someone amongst them. And since you listen most to your own age-group than any other teacher/mentor--this was the most amazing part.

Quite useful the exercise was, for it particularly made every young blood present there to come open and feel little less insecure. Objective achieved!

However, later this got me thinking...What is it that I Fear most? No it's not about that fear of falling, or of being shooed away by the goosebumps in the moonlit nights, or any vicarious practical thoughts when you or your friend loses his/her job, but...

  • I Fear, of becoming too rich to feel lazy picking up a fallen coin. No way that I could ever be ...But STILL.
  • I Fear, of being SO slushily cloyingly happy all the time - about the whole bunch of blissful things marshaled around for me, by the fate's design, THAT it makes me ignore about the finer little details of life... glum or gleeful... low or high... black or white. I fear of being just happy, rather than being happy with a meaning to life. 
  • I Fear, of feeling dull and sloth in the morning sun, when a whole bright day grins at me with the red carpet rolled out in full anticipation.
  • I Fear, of my changing point-of-views, twittering as if they would render me groundless on the soil, like a helpless puppet with strings tangled up on a performance floor. Becoming absolutely disillusioned from a whole lotta of beautiful things. There's very few more worse things in this world than the sight of a MAN struggling with his own point-of-view. I don't want to become that MAN.
  • I Fear, running out of things to talk to an intimate friend/love, while (s)he still can have some time close to me, and that too after a long time. It feels like a mute stupid coldfish, I tell you.
  • I Fear, of my elders not reproving me at wrongdoings--for they remaining snugly secured with the thought that this bloke is a bit grown-up 'now'.
  • I Fear, of thinking too much all day and night; and yet feeling sick being deprived of thoughts when my eyes are hunting for one...whacking me off to remind that I am nothing but remain a question in itself.
  • I Fear, looking out of the window, lost in following some unknown streaks of light, when the music close-by would be playing my favorite tunes, that I would miss later for sure. Don't we miss much of things because of this.
  • I Fear, of being unable to convince, enlighten, empower someone about the veritable virtuosity of certain great things in this world, of the intrinsic beauty--irrespective of whether (s)he would love it or not. Love is a choice that comes later many a times Ignorance is bliss, but only ephemerally. Most of the beautiful human creations (not just Art) in this world need to be felt, rather than just seen. Most of them need your good time to earn your appreciation.
  • I Fear, from the sheer fragility of the words "I have to tell you something..." and the way it lands on heart sometimes, like an airplane lands on the terra firma, cutting through the cushion of air all around.
  • I Fear, of writing to someone now, for (s)he may not reply. It happens and I ain't priggish about it. All of my thoughts then make me feel uselessly helpless, like an over burnt cigarette stub, lying sopped in spit for always.
  • I Fear, (even) of my ephemeral indulgences and binges, for they might obscure me from the silent smiles awaiting, the novel simplicities that could just spark all my nerves, the one snapped flash that makes one want to be smarter, the smell of the green grasses, the dappled monsoon sky...
  • I Fear...
Why did I stop so early in the list. Perhaps I Fear, that...
What all do you fear of, really?

PS: That day when I did the activity on fear, I also chanced to meet and know an amazing person in life ever, as she came there for the first time -- S.

Image: Flickr